Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Randomize