As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
