Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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