i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
