You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
