you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Randomize
