there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
