I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
