I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
