Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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