I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
