I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
