someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
