at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
