he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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