perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
