what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We need a shit load of segways right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
