So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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