Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
