i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize