Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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