Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
