I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
