we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
