shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
