Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
