You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
