didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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