Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
