I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Randomize
