So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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