I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
