Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
