It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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