I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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