I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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