Umm I'm too high to move.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
