You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
