i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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