I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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