she sounds like chewbacca in bed
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
