Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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