Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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