He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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