i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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