there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
