your room smells of hookers.
And success
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
