The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize