So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn