when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
