proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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