I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
