I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
