Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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