Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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