She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
