in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
