Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
