You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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